Black Women Mental Space

Author Archives: blkmentalspace

• 4 Steps To End A Toxic Friendship

  Posted at 3:28 am by blkmentalspace, on June 28, 2018

  Guest Posting: Hey yall! My good friend, Nikita wrote a post about cutting toxic people from your life. It is imperative that we protect our energy at all times. What are your thoughts on ending toxic friendships? Let’s talk in the comments below

  Let’s be honest, we all have those friends. Those that we have been holding on to even though it’s a one sided friendship. Those who aren’t there when it’s time to support only when it’s time to celebrate the wins. Those we keep around out of “obligation” to the friendship’s history but that’s it.
  Let those “friends” go. They are toxic to your mental health.
  After family, friendships are some of the strongest bonds we will have with other human beings. Toxic friendships can affect the way you view yourself and your position in life. Who needs that? Not you.
  Here are 4 steps to end toxic friendships (peacefully):

  1. Tell them what’s on your mind.
     Don’t become passive aggressive and start giving them the cold shoulder hoping they will read your mind. They won’t and it will just make things weird. Tell them what’s on your mind and see if your can repair your friendship. If they don’t show any plans to be a better friend, move on to number
  2. Cease communication across the board.
     Ending a friendship is like ending a relationship. You need to move on from it and you don’t need a daily reminder of them popping up on you. Unfollow or mute them (I’m a fan of the former) on all social media platforms, take yourself out of group chats that include them and delete their number. Tough I know but necessary.
  3. Talk to your friends about the friendship ending.
     Let your friends know that you guys are no longer friends and why. Let them know so they won’t be so inclined to mend a friendship that is over. They can skip the sister circles and let you two move on amicably.
  4. Move on and embrace the wonderful friendships you do have!
     Letting go of toxic friends should call for gratitude for the friendships that support us, uplift us, pour into us and inspire us. Draw closer to the ones who hold you down like you do them.
     BIO: Nikita is the woman behind the lifestyle blog, Oh That’s Nik and a freelance writer. When she isn’t posing as a fake runner (Nikita’s words), she is working on a book that is never ending. She is also a therapy advocate especially for black men.
  | 2 Comments Tagged emotional, friendship, selfcare, wellness

• Social Media Woes?

  Posted at 4:26 am by blkmentalspace, on June 7, 2018

  The topic I am about to share has been on my mind for quite some time. Have you scrolled through your social media timeline and noticed the celebratory posts regarding someone’s accomplishment? The person may have received a job promotion, a better job, a new man, new baby, new house etc. How did seeing those posts make you feel? Did it make you think back on what you are doing with your life? Did you start to count your “short comings”? I am not going to lie and say I did not compare my life to another person’s social media post. For instance, when I saw someone get a new job and post about it, I would be happy for them but at the same time I would question myself on what I am doing with my life. I used to be the one who measured my life based on what someone else was doing. When someone entered into a new relationship, I would be like, “dang, why am I still single or I would be like I wish I could have someone to call my own”. It got to the point where I blocked people from my timeline who I felt had a better life than me.

  There are many people who I talked to who shared the same sentiment as I did. Our issue was using social media to validate our success in life. Using social media to measure yourself is a detrimental thing to do. My friend shared that she became depressed when watching other’s success. I can admit, that I also became depressed.

  I want you to understand that the people you see posting on social media is on a different journey than what you are on. What you see them accomplishing and the moves they are making are not for you at this time. The person who you see posting their wonderful news probably had to put in work that was not shared on their social media. You do not know what they went through to get to where they’re at. It is OK to look at someone’s success and use it as motivation but when you use it to put yourself down is a problem.

  One of the things that helped me was keeping a gratitude journal. I would write down everything that I am grateful for at this time. Whenever I started to feel like crap, the gratitude journal served as an uplifting mood booster. I also started to have faith and trust the timing of my life..which I will write about in my next post.

  P.S: This is a step on the journey I am still going through.

  What are some things you are grateful for? How do you overcome the social media woes? Share them in the comment section below.

  | 1 Comment Tagged affirmations, appreciation, blackgirlblog, blues, emotional, mental, sadness, selfcare, social media, wellness

• Take Care of Yo-Self First!

  Posted at 3:50 am by blkmentalspace, on June 2, 2018

  

  This is for my girls who like to give, give, give and give. Your hearts are full of love that you just have to spread it around. You give even when you do not have it to give. This can be applied to monetary purposes but in this case, I am referring to your emotional and mental wellness. Do you all pay attention to the flight attendant’s instruction on an airplane?: During an emergency, put on your oxygen mask before you help the other person. Who knew that piece of advice could be used in your daily life! It is our natural instinct to nurture and care for those around us. Being so caring is not a bad thing but it can be bad if you are not taking care of yourself first. How can you help someone if you are not helping yourself? YOU are YOUR Number 1 responsibility. No one is going to remind you to make sure You got You!  

  Ladies, make sure you are looking out for your well-being. I am a big advocate for self-care. In a nutshell, self-care is about treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.

  Here are some self-care tips to try:

  • Keep a daily journal to jot down your feelings.
  • Listen to music you enjoy.
  • Read an interesting book.
  • Walk in nature.
  • Say daily affirmations.
  • Practice meditation.
  • Exercise.
  • Watch a good movie.
  • See a therapist/counselor.
  • Do something fun with friends.

  Let me know what self-care activities you enjoy in the comments below!

   

  Until Next Time

  -C.U.T Chris Unfiltered Thoughts

  | 6 Comments Tagged affirmations, emotional, energy, selfcare, wellness

• Back from the hiatus

  Posted at 3:30 am by blkmentalspace, on June 2, 2018

  I know it has been awhile since I wrote my first blog post. Life events have kept me busy. I have a lot going on right now between grad school, work, family and social life. As a result, my blog was neglected. I am going to make a more conscientious effort to post once a week. The direction I first wanted to take with the blog sounded pretty in my head but on paper, I could not formally wrap my head around the concept. I come to the realization that I am not an organized person but rather, I am very random. If I could paint a picture of my thoughts they would be a picture of children’s toys all over the living room floor. LOL, to the child this view is not bothering them.  They know where to go to grab the toy of their liking but to the parent all they see is chaos in front of them. When I try to verbalize my thoughts to other people, they have to really focus to follow along with my thoughts. It’s OK. I have come to understand the method to my madness. I say all of this to say that this self-help blog will be random but it will be helpful. I will write posts that are on my heart and mind at the time. These posts will be from my perspective and I hope that you all can relate to them. Maybe one day I will create a YouTube channel to go along with this blog. Well, that’s all for now. Peace!

   

  -C.U.T Chris Unfiltered Thoughts

  | 0 Comments Tagged blackgirlblog, emotional, mental, selfcare, therapy, wellness

• Hey ya’ll!

  Posted at 8:14 pm by blkmentalspace, on April 20, 2018

  Thank you for joining me on my journey and welcome to Black Women Mental Space.

  I can’t believe I am actually doing this. It feels so surreal to be writing my first blog post.
  I had a vision to share my experiences as a way to helping others heal. I kept telling my friends about my idea and they kept asking me, “Chris, when are you going to write your first blog post?” I would say, give me two weeks, then that turned into give me a month. Eventually they stopped asking. I know this post should have been written but I was paralyzed by fear. I feared being misunderstood by others. Now, I don’t care and I am no longer making excuses.

  You are probably wondering why ‘Black Women’s Mental Space’? For starters I am a black woman. Second, I am a black woman that has suffered from depression and anxiety. I was on the verge of committing suicide. I did not know what was going on with me. I kept my emotions bottled up over the past years. On the outside I would appear fine but on the inside I was hurting bad. I used alcohol to help me cope. I did not understand what depression and anxiety were. And I did not understanding that my coping mechanism was hurting me more than what I was already feeling.  Before my 30th birthday I entered therapy. Therapy taught me to let go of what was hurting me. Therapy saved my life. This blog will not be a tool to pushed therapy down people’s throat . I want to use this blog to help Black Women become more self aware of their mental state and emotions. We have been conditioned to become strong for others while having no one to be strong for us. We have sacrificed our self-care for the sake of others’ well-being. I hope that my posts will help other Black Women along the way.

  I will see you all soon!

  -C.U.T

  | 0 Comments

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